It's a cold truth to face, but sometimes even the trustiest of pals can turn on a person.
For instance, my longtime friend and ally, Internet Shopping, really fucked me this year. At Christmastime. Ouch. What did I ever do to you to deserve this, Internet Shopping? Couldn't we have just hugged it out instead?
Commence panicked last-minute double-shopping insanity.
But the bright side of my orders not arriving in time is that I'm already well on my way to being done my shopping for next Christmas. Handy, right? Maybe I can wrap it up by April or so and make people think I'm a complete jackass - people just love it when you rub it in that you're way more psychotic about the holidays than they are. *cough, cough, Martha Stewart*
And on that note, I'd like to take a moment to gloat that I'm done my shopping for the future Mrs. Small Fry's** first Christmas as part of the family:
That's, like, decades ahead of schedule - eat my dust, Martha.
(**Notice that I'm waiting until the poor gal is actually married in before I let on just what she's getting herself into, 'cause you can bet that boy is karmically assured to wind up with kids just like himself.)